Ultimately… what?
Tony posted something yesterday about having an ultimate goal in life, one that you try and bend every action and opportunity toward fulfilling. I don’t have an ultimate goal in life. I have about five hundred million smaller goals, many of which I may never accomplish, due to the laziness and ennui that I feel every day, but I don’t have an ultimate goal. Hell, maybe that ennui is due to the fact that I don’t really have a main, unstoppable passion in life, something that I want to do above all else, and beyond all limits.
For the longest time, my ultimate goal in life was an emotional one, to find a significant other to share my life with. After my first relationship, which ended tragically, I never wanted to feel either the ache of being alone or the pain of losing a significant other again. Now, a bit over a decade later, it seems that I may have achieved that goal. I won’t say that this is definitely it, but things are looking good for that prognosis, and I feel truly optimistic about it for the first time in my life.
But that means I’m left with no ultimate goal… and what’s more, since I have spent most of my life and energy focusing on that one goal, one that was especially ephemeral and not very conducive to actual life achievements, I have very little foundation upon which to build efforts toward further goals, ultimate or not. Maybe that’s what this blog is ultimately about… my eternal and fractured search for something to head for in my life. I no longer have the wild fancies of youth that I need to be astonishingly famous and fantastically rich (well, I’d still like to be fantastically rich, especially since the closest things I have to driving passions right now are cars and motorcycles, and they’re expensive), so I think that now my ultimate goal will just end up being some career(s) that I will actively enjoy existing in for the rest of my life.
Tony Chung said,
March 16, 2007 @ 8:14 pm
It’s a lifelong journey man. We’ll find our way. It’ll take time but we’ll find it.
I am happy for you and your significant other man. But.. no more hits then??
=) do you remember that?
Neko said,
March 16, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
Speaking of setting an ultimate goal, there are tons of things pop up in my mind of what I want to do in my life. I’m still young and an excited life has just begun as I start a new chapter in college.
Life is so exciting. Why not use the time to explore??
Eug said,
March 17, 2007 @ 3:07 pm
Thanks for the comments, guys!
Tony - Of course I remember.
Yeah, I always heard about the guys who found romantic happiness, and then their creative work went to hell… I hope that’s not going to be the case, and that my current non-productivity is just laziness and the other stuff I was talking about… =O
Neko - I’m no longer that young… XD I’m trying to explore the best I can (my first motorcycle trackday at Thunderhill in three months!), but there’s that money thing to worry about… =| so I have to figure out what I can explore that will also help me support myself. I don’t think I can get paid to ride/drive around really fast and play World of Warcraft. =( By the way… who’re you?
Connie said,
March 23, 2007 @ 4:15 pm
Ah, I’m the opposite of you. I live for my dreams, and finding that significant other is completely secondary. Also, did i tell you my new year’s resolution is to be single until New Year’s 2008?